Experiential Avoidance: moving from “I can’t” to “I will”
By Patricia McGuire, LPC-MHSP
8/8/2024
**After taking a blog break in July - the blog is back! Be on the lookout for the August Book of the Month and catch up on previous blogposts here.**
Do you find yourself avoiding situations that make you feel “bad”? Trying to steer clear of unwanted interactions and uncertainty? If this sounds like you, you are not alone! You may be in the throes of experiential avoidance.
Experiential avoidance is the process in which we attempt to suppress or change unpleasant/unwanted emotions, thoughts, and bodily sensations. This is in contrast to experiential acceptance, which is the process of embracing our internal experiences with nonjudgment.
Some common ways we engage in experiential avoidance are:
bottling up emotions because it feels uncomfortable to express ourselves
procrastinating due to fear of failure
avoiding a tough conversation because we are uncertain of the other person’s response
When we try to avoid uncomfortable thoughts and feelings, we actually increase the intensity of those thoughts and feelings. **
Here’s how you can start to explore and move through experiential avoidance:
notice your stressors and how you respond to them
utilize coping strategies to decrease your distress and enhance your awareness (check out blogposts here and here for more on coping)
get comfortable with discomfort - welcome discomfort with curiosity and think of it as a teacher
notice when you say “I can’t” or “I won’t” and employ challenging motivations to shift your thoughts and take action aligned with your values — for example: “I can’t tell her how I feel because it’s scary” vs. “Even though it will feel scary, I will tell her how I feel because she’s important to me”
**A note: Experiential avoidance applies to internal experiences, and not to external circumstances. If you recognize that an external situation is harmful or unsafe, your best option may be to avoid that situation. Or perhaps you don’t have the bandwidth to tolerate the discomfort, then you can step back, assess, and enlist help from a trusted friend or therapist.
Accepting our experiences with awareness and openness is not easy. We are not born with these skills, but over time and with practice, we can develop a habit of approaching our experiences with compassion and curiosity.
Go deeper: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/raising-mindful-kids/202208/accepting-the-unexpected
If this resonated with you and you’d like to explore these ideas further, connect with Patricia McGuire Counseling here
